Category: Aventinus

Updates specific to Ashley’s Aventinus team

Colwell Vows to Dismantle Aventinus, Coleman

ANN ARBOR– Following the 5-2 Aventinus win over the Flyers Sunday night, league director Abe Colwell, skating in disguise as winger Guy N. Cognito, announced that he now has enough evidence to “bring Aventinus down.” “Daryl Coleman has been sandbagging…

Meowth Found on Ice, Caught

ANN ARBOR– Despite suffering a 1-4 loss to the Yaks D2, Sunday night, defenseman Mark Woods noted that the evening was not a total loss after locating and capturing Meowth, a character featured in the Pokemon Go app. “It was…

Ashley’s Clothing Store Offers Ties

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Clothing Store announced early Thursday that it now offers a new clothing option– ties! “We’re happy to announce that we have all the ties you need,” said haberdasher Mark Woods. The 5-5 collection features ties from Ruination…

Okray Enjoys Sociopolitical Posturing

DETROIT–Goaltender Matt Okray sat silently bemused in the Olympia Room following Miller-Canfield White’s 14-18 loss to Miller-Canfield Navy Thursday night at Joe Louis Arena as he watched while several teammates jockeyed for social dominance. Following opening statements wherein each player…

Weight of Championship Bearing Down

ANN ARBOR– Success can come at a hefty price, and the pressures to maintain that success increases steadily. This was evident in the locker room following Aventinus’s 4-0 win over the Goaldiggers Wednesday night. “It’s getting really hard,” said winger…

Aventinus Scraps Ad Campaign

SUNDAY– Aventinus officials following the team’s 6-0 win Sunday night over the Killer Bees stated the franchise would forego its forthcoming ad campaign proclaiming declaring “There must be somethin’ in the water!” The phrase allegedly caught on as a social…