RUINATION– The B-League is under investigation in what some are calling a “point-shaving” scandal after a knee injury side-lined Yaks goaltender Matthew Weiler. The game took a strange turn, however, when back-up goaltender “Yakkity Yak” Don Talc-Bach, seemingly refused to…
Category: Aventinus
Updates specific to Ashley’s Aventinus team
Hockey Pucks Deflated Before Game, Re-Vulcanized
RUINATION– Forward Mark Woods played well enough in his return to the B-League, with five good-quality shots on goal, solid back checking, and an overall positive attitude despite the 1-2 loss to Trend Millwork Monday night. Dubbed the “worst winger…
Games Pile Up
RUINATION– Ruination lost 3-8 Thursday night, prompting defenseman Sean Payeur to lead the entire team in yogic breathing exercises to help the team “find their center.” GM Mark Woods praised Payeur, calling him “the voice of calm in the hockey din.”…
Four Teams Prove Challenging for Sports Writer
RUINATION– Ashley’s Ruination lost its first game since October 25, falling 5-6 to Bull Schlitz, prompting goalie Jeff Phillion to immediately begin binge drinking Schlitz Malt Liquor for the course of the night. Sources say that Phillion added pizza, chips, and…
Report: Loss Makes Weather Feel 10% Colder
ANN ARBOR– Researchers from the National Institute for Climate Assessment have found that losing hockey games changes one’s perception of the weather. “Brrrrr…” said a despondent Mark Woods following the 0-2 Aventinus loss Wednesday night. “Feels like it’s 5 degrees…
Aventinus Gets Winn
ANN ARBOR– C-League veteran Dave Winn joined Ashely’s Aventinus, providing the offense and defense needed for their 4-0 win Sunday night to start the Winter 2015 campaign. Thanks to Winn, Tom Colis and Nick Lamb each had two goals (two assists…
Millennial Writes Aventinus Article
ANN ARBOR– So, okay, so here’s the thing. Okay, so like it was SUCH A GOOD GAME! But, it totally sucked at the same time! So, okay, so they (Aventinus) were all getting dressed and there was like glitter everywhere because…