ATLANTA– NHL officials confirmed Thursday morning that Ashley’s Aventinus will become the newest expansion franchise, filling the gap left behind when the Thrashers moved to Winnipeg in 2011. “This is a move that just makes sense,” said GM Mark Woods.…
Month: January 2014
The Bell Tolls for Sasquatch
ANN ARBOR– As stoic as a Hemingway character and as brash as each and every member of Metallica, Luke Bell sounded the alarm for a lumbering Sasquatch comeback bid, scoring 2 goals and assisting on a third to pull away…
Sholtis Named First GoldSchmeckelMensch
ANN ARBOR– Goaltender Paul Sholtis stopped all shots but one in a 2-1 win over the Black Bears Tuesday night to earn MVP honors in what has become one of the most compelling rivalries in C-league hockey. Matt Schaefer and…
Macklemore Performs, Queen Latifah Marries Aventinus
ANN ARBOR– Prior to the performance of “Same Love” by Macklemore for the 56th Grammy Awards, featuring Madonna and Queen Latifah orchestrating a wedding between 33 couples, the artists engaged in a rehearsal of sorts, performing the same song and…
Bieber Fever Consumes Hopslam Player
PUNTA CHAME– Ashley’s Hopslam had the wind knocked out of them upon hearing news that Justin Bieber has fled Miami and was spotted on a Panama beach with lady friend Chantal Jeffries, who allegedly goaded the 19-year-old pop star into…
Pre-Game Constitutionals Fail to Lighten Load
ANN ARBOR– Despite several Ruination players managing to “lighten the load” prior to their game, they failed to lighten the mood as the team had to settle for a 1-1 tie. Defenseman Mark Woods, in the process of “making weight”…
Tom Tom Directs Aventinus to Win
ANN ARBOR– With the guidance of savvy veteran Tom Colis’s two goals, Aventinus drove through North Coast 3-0 Wednesday night, despite icy road conditions leading to the game. “We had to make evasive maneuvers to get off I-94 and onto…