Winowiecki Website Guarantees Weight Loss

ANN ARBOR– Amid the myriad weight loss fad diets, netrepreneur and sometimes goalie (and sometimes winger) Ricky Winowiecki has entered into the $68 billion dollar industry with a new website featuring his new “Ocular-based suppression” method of weight cessation. “Basically,…

Winowiecki Amygdala Completely Healed

ANN ARBOR– After intensive rehabilitation over the last year, forward Ricky Winowiecki has made “a full recovery,” as evidenced by his play in Ruination’s 4-3 semi-final win over Bull Schlitz Tuesday night. “We were all worried he wouldn’t be able…

Colwell on D1: ‘No Sutton Moves’

ANN ARBOR– Following Hopslam’s 2-4 loss to Puckings in their Quarterfinal match-up, league director Abe Colwell announced that forward Chris Sutton was “banned for life,” from the D1 league, citing a variety of allegations, including ankle-breaking, stealing, and clothes laundering. …

One Goal Wonder Tries, Fails

ANN ARBOR– Ever since defenseman Mark Woods vaulted into fame and fortune following his mid-season goal last Spring, “things have spiraled downward ever since,” according to the One Goal Wonder Watch Organization. “He didn’t score another goal the rest of…