ANN ARBOR– In a stunning turn of events, both Matt Okray and Gary Pletcher announced that they were “sick and tired of having super low goals against” following Hopslam’s 7-7 tie with the Cleveland Steamers. “The pressure to maintain a…
Spicy Boys Kicked in the Side Biscuits
ANN ARBOR– Ruination defeated Side Biscuits Spicy Boys 6-2 Tuesday night to move to 2-0 in the Summer season, despite having only 8 skaters. “Yeah, we really kicked ’em in the biscuits,” said Glenn Beach. “The side biscuits.” Younger teammates…
Hopslam Wins in Varsity “Sauna” Amid Fears of Climate Change
Hopslam started its summer season with 6-5 win over Bearshark! despite sweltering conditions Sunday night. “It must have been 50… 52 degrees in there!” noted Kenny Schmidt. While temperatures were not officially recorded, several players noted the “humidity” in the…
Ruination Summer TV Series Features Guest Appearances from Original Cast
Ashley’s Entertainment Network (AEN) announced that “Ruination: The Series” would feature an all-new cast, but with some familiar faces to “ease the transition.” Andrew Thompson, who now stars in “Widowmaker,” a comedy featuring a lovable cast of “over the hill”…
Tensions Rise in Front Office Over Ruination’s Unbeaten Status
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 7-1 Saturday win over then-undefeated Yaks C, controversy broke put in the front office during the press conference when Ruination’s status as either undefeated or unbeaten came to the fore. “We’re undefeated!” exulted COO Chris Sutton.…
Note From Piper: “Time to Pay Me!”
LAKEPORT– Piper the dog, affectionately known as “Grammy’s dog, Piper” or “that damn dog,” sent a note to all three Ashley’s teams late Thursday regarding payment for the Winter season: “Woof woof woof woof, yip woof arf woof rrrrr woof-woof…