Month: May 2013

Lab Chimps Hostage Standoff Enters Third Day

ANN ARBOR– Sources close to the scene state that laboratory chimpanzees at the University of Michigan Medical Center have reportedly escaped from their cages and are currently holding lab manager Joseph Crossno hostage. In a very clipped message, Crossno communicated…

Full House Hopslam Get Two Pair

Ashley’s Hopslam (7-3) won its fourth straight game, defeating a frustrated Depot Town Stags 4-0 Tuesday. Wingers Matt Schaefer and Mike Leighton each scored two goals, while Shawn Lopez gathered three assists, leading the team with ten for the season.…

Nothing Fishy About Aventinus Win

Ashley’s Aventinus (6-1-2) extended its unbeaten streak to six games, beating Barracuda 5-2 Sunday night with three power play goals, a natural hattrick from Jeff Phillion, and a whole lot of assists from Joe Crossno (3) and Chris Boulter (2).…

Eight Is Enough for Hopslam

Ashley’s Hopslam (6-3) continue their streak with their third straight win, beating Cubs AC 4-1 Saturday night with only eight skaters. “Where is everybody?” asked center Scott Coates. “Where were you last game?” asked Bob Brock to Coates. Coates, who…

Love Conquers All: Aventinus, Leafs

Ashley’s Aventinus (5-1-2) got its first shut out, though was not able to overcome questionable reffing as the game ended in a 0-0 tie Wednesday night against the Leafs. Goaltender Ryan “Seacrest” Bidwell dazzled the crowd with save after save,…

Cricket Chorus from Goon Bench

Ashley’s Ruination (3-4) dropped a close game Tuesday night, falling 1-2 to Goon Squad, but sent a message that generated indignation. “What a douche bag,” someone from the G-Squad bench proclaimed. The incident prompting the response included a collision with…