FORT WALTON BEACH– Stranded on a not quite tropical island, GM Mark Woods waited intently for a message to come through the coconut smartphone he cobbled together with palmetto leaves, fishing string, and a half-charged Amazon Fire phone. “The waiting…
Month: December 2014
Quantum Conundrum in Ruination Win
RUINATION– Amid the celebration of Ruination’s 4-2 win and seventh championship, something of a quantum controversy has scientists and New Age believers excited. “As you can see,” said herbalist Zohar Nabzakian, “the Sutton is in two places at the same…
Wisconsin Hillbillies Distract, Entertain
ATLANTA– Sportswriter Mark Woods found it “kinda difficult” to write about Hopslam’s 4-0 win Tuesday night while waiting at the Atlanta terminal for his flight Thursday afternoon when three passengers purportedly from Wisconsin discussed everything from friend’s pregnancies to septuagenarian…
“I Played the Game of My Life!”
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 6-4 win over the Black Bears Saturday, defenseman Mark Woods proudly proclaimed the game as one of the “finest games [he’s] ever played.” “Not a single forward on the Bears got past me, I didn’t commit…
Clean Game Confuses Players
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hopslam topped the Cleveland Steamers 6-2 Saturday night in a game that did not feature anything resembling dirty play. “This is what it feels like to simply be tired rather than hurting and tired,” asked Hopslam forward Jon…
GM’s Evil Plot to Improve Team Exposed!
ANN ARBOR– “So, how many C-League players did you have on your roster tonight?” asked a Sasquatch player following Hopslam’s 6-2 win over Sasquatch in Tuesday night’s quarterfinal play. And with those words, GM Mark Woods’s covert plan to dominate…
Millennial Writes Aventinus Article
ANN ARBOR– So, okay, so here’s the thing. Okay, so like it was SUCH A GOOD GAME! But, it totally sucked at the same time! So, okay, so they (Aventinus) were all getting dressed and there was like glitter everywhere because…