Millennial Sports Writer Canned

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s sports reporter Asher Moore was reportedly fired from the Ashleys News Network’s sports division late Wednesday follow what editors have called an “inability to describe” following Aventinus’ 7-6 win over Mott FK. “It’s almost as if he…

Ricky Steamboats Dragons and All That Jazz

ANN ARBOR– Forward Ricky Winowiecki scored the go-ahead goal with just minutes left as Ashley’s Ruination defeated the Dragons 4-3 Tuesday night. The goal was especially satisfying for Winowowiecki, who overcame a 10-minute misconduct and a hostile home crowd to score the…

Wise Woods Mentors Younger Players

ANN ARBOR– Despite the 2-6 loss to Depot Town Saturday, Ruination teammates– particularly the younger players– gained from the benefit of hard-fought wisdom from defenseman Mark Woods, albeit on most other things unrelated to hockey. “Remember, women are most attracted…

International Recruiting Efforts Paying Off

THE HAGUE– Following Ruination’s 6-2 win over the Ypsi Aces Tuesday night, GM Mark Woods, speaking from his office in the The Netherlands, expressed satisfaction with the franchise’s recent “international efforts” to recruit hidden talent. “We were very encouraged when…

Center Detained at Customs

DETROIT– A championship that nearly wasn’t… Chris Sutton, upon his return from a rehab facility in Cancun, was detained for several hours by Homeland Security agents for “suspicious comments” made upon arriving in Detroit prior to Hopslam’s championship clinching game…