Playing Hockey Slips in Polls

ANN ARBOR– A recent Pew Research Center poll showed “playing hockey” dropped slightly in the rankings Sunday following Hopslam’s Saturday night forfeiture to Sasquatch. “Playing hockey ain’t what she used to be,” sang several older men with hockey jerseys stained…

Holiday Radio Station Takes Lead

DETROIT– Local radio station WNIC 100.3 FM announced Tuesday that it is actually playing Christmas music for the 2017 holiday season, deciding to get a 13-month jump ahead of any rival stations. “We’ll be playing It’s the Most Wonderful Time of…

Ferguson a Belieber!

ANN ARBOR– Forward Dave Ferguson was a healthy scratch for Wednesday’s 1-4 Aventinus loss to Goon Squad, noting that he was “lucky it’s not much more.” Initial reports claimed an accident involving a gravel truck. “Despite my sedan being tossed…

Winowiecki Quick to Quidditch

ORLANDO– Richard “Ricky” Winowiecki, star defenseman for Ashley’s Hopslam, announced Wednesday following Hopslam 3-1 win over the WT Killer Bees that he will be joining the Orlando Potter-mouths of the Nation Quidditch League (NQL). “We’re sho ec-schited,” said league president…