OSCODA– Once the ice shavings settled, Aventinus found itself handed its third straight loss, falling 1-3 to North Coast. Scott Bray had the lone goal, with assists from Les Withrow and defenseman Mark Woods. “We’re still looking for answers,” said…
Month: May 2015
Ricky Rejoins Boy Band
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 2-2 tie with the Depot Town Stags, pop artist Ricky Winowiecki announced his triumphant return to the boy band sensation One Direliction. “Oy! We’re super excited to ‘ave the ‘ol boy back i’ the band,” said…
Johnson Tends to Win, No Ifs, Ands, or Butts
ANN ARBOR– Brad Johnson earned a 4-2 victory in net Tuesday night as Hopslam defeated franchise rival Yaks. David Gaydos scored three goals, while Jeff Phillion added another. Andrew Thompson added three assists, and Ryan Williams had two helpers in…
WT Killer Bees Missing F in Name
ANN ARBOR– Following the 2-3 loss to the WT Killer Bees, Aventinus found themselves exasperated by WT Killer Bees, as Connor Gilligan easily sailed past everyone on route to scoring the game-winning goal. “Wednesday, Thursday, Friday!” exclaimed several players, abbreviating…
I’m Okray, You’re OK
ANN ARBOR– District Court 14a ruled against winger Matt Okray in what has been dubbed DeflateGate III, following disparaging remarks regarding the amply sized Ice Dog James “Not Thurgood” Marshall in Hopslam’s 3-3 tie Saturday night. Okray was given an…
Ruination Embattled Over DeflateGate II
ANN ARBOR– Critics of the Ruination team have alleged that members of the team had deflated goaltender Rusty Barron following several tough games, including a 2-5 loss to Black Ops Saturday night. When asked to comment on DeflateGate II, Barron’s…
Nothing Funny Ever Happens
ANN ARBOR–Aventinus beat Goaldiggers 2-1 Sunday night, bringing the team above .500 for the first time since January 4. Timely goals from Tom Colis and Jon Hwang in the second and third period helped extend Aventinus’s win streak to four.…