PUNTA CHAME– Ashley’s Hopslam had the wind knocked out of them upon hearing news that Justin Bieber has fled Miami and was spotted on a Panama beach with lady friend Chantal Jeffries, who allegedly goaded the 19-year-old pop star into…
Pre-Game Constitutionals Fail to Lighten Load
ANN ARBOR– Despite several Ruination players managing to “lighten the load” prior to their game, they failed to lighten the mood as the team had to settle for a 1-1 tie. Defenseman Mark Woods, in the process of “making weight”…
Tom Tom Directs Aventinus to Win
ANN ARBOR– With the guidance of savvy veteran Tom Colis’s two goals, Aventinus drove through North Coast 3-0 Wednesday night, despite icy road conditions leading to the game. “We had to make evasive maneuvers to get off I-94 and onto…
Woods Talks Trash After Game
ANN ARBOR– In a tirade rarely seen in sports, defenseman Mark Woods sustained a rant that lasted several minutes, shocking many in the media following Ruination’s 8-1 win over Mott early Wednesday. Comments ranged from mild surprise to outrage. Explained…
These (Goals) Go to Eleven
ANN ARBOR– Amid the 2-5 loss to rival Yaks Tuesday night, Ashley’s Hopslam otherwise skated to a 2-2 tie excepting goals from defenseman Ed O’Brien. “The numbers all go to eleven (O’Brien),” explained Yaks spokesman Nigel Tufnel. “Look, right across…
Shoves and Harsh Words Reveal Secret Crushes
ANN ARBOR– Tears and accusations Sunday led to the confusing explanations that help girls understand the murky signals of (not so) young boys with secret crushes as Ashley’s Aventinus skated past the Leafs 4-2. “He called me a (bleep),” said…