ANN ARBOR–Desperate for answers following Hopslam’s 0-3 loss Sunday night to Bearshark, the team has created a fictional skater upon whom they’ve heaped the blame for the game and all mistakes made throughout the season. The unfortunate goat: Captain Tuttle.…
A Boulter Lightning
ANN ARBOR–Chris “Insane” Boulter shot out of nowhere Sunday night, striking early and often as Aventinus ran past the Goaldiggers 6-4 on Olympic Ice. “He was like a Jamaican sprinter on skates,” said an excited GM Mark Woods, “Only a…
Woods’s Triple PhD Proves Useful
ANN ARBOR–Following Ruination’s Thursday evening 0-4 loss to the Ypsi Aces, defenseman Mark Woods traded in his helmet for his thinking cap, providing auxiliary lectures for several of the players who are finishing degree programs at the local college, thanks…
Petulant Youths Sent to Principal’s Office
ANN ARBOR–Ice Cube Elementary principal Abram Colwell had a busy day Wednesday when several boys were sent to the office following separate but related playground incidents during scheduled “playground time.” “Number 73 started it,” claimed Louie Fulcher through tear-stained eyes.…
Woodsy Dooby Doo… Where Are You?
ANN ARBOR–Under foggy conditions not unlike Grand Banks off the island of Newfoundland or in every episode of Scooby Doo, Hopslam dismantled the Yak-a-topes 9-1 Wednesday evening on the frozen banks of Lake Choppyvarsity. Despite the weather conditions, Andrew Thompson…
Hockey Pimps Tread on Established Turf
ANN ARBOR–Sources near the Ann Arbor Police Department have reported a “turf” war among the various so-called hockey pimps may be on the verge of breaking out following the arrival of two newcomers. “They bad dudes,” said the son of…