Feezel Heads to Busch Leagues

ANN ARBOR–In the waning moments of Hopslam’s improbable 5-6 collapse Wednesday evening to rival Yaks, the finality of it all sunk in for forward Even Feezel, who found himself overcome with emotion. “Aaaaugh!” he cried, emotionally distraught. “It hurts!” Indeed,…

Ruination: Crazy Hot Six

ANN ARBOR–Ashley’s Ruination was six-crazed Monday night after leaving the Cleveland Steamers in a pile 6-4, running their record to 6-6. In fact, this marks the second straight game where the team had six. “Well, it’s true what they say,”…

Page Three Ashley’s Girl: She’s George-ous

ANN ARBOR–Following the recommendation of board director Sean Payeur, Ashley’s Sporting News (ASN) opted to feature a “Page Three” glamour model, similarly to famed British tabloid The Sun, which has featured topless models on their paper’s third page since 1970. However,…

Brock Visibly Ages Following Suspension

ANN ARBOR–Forward Bob Brock has fallen upon hard times–quickly. No sooner did the league announce his suspension following an altercation in Hopslam’s 3-2 win over Cubs AC Wednesday night than Brock was found with not much more than tattered rags…

Aventinus Channel Milli Vanilli

ANN ARBOR–Ashley’s Aventinus finished their season on a somewhat flat note after losing to the Yak-a-Topes 5-6 Wednesday night on Varsity Ice, prompting the question: who is to blame? “I blame it on (GM) Mark Woods,” said Chris Boulter, who…