REDFORD– Following his goal in Ruination’s 5-1 win over the Dragons Saturday night, defenseman Mark Woods celebrated by driving home to “finish the dishes” left behind from a hastily made meal. “It was lasagna, and you don’t want that sitting…
Former Hopslammer Ready for Grudge Match with Russian Boxer
BOZEMAN– Former Hopslam Winger Zeb Bruckman has recently completed his training in preparation for his highly anticpated “grudge match” with Russian Boxer Ivan Ivanovich Draagonovski set for March 12. Using nothing more than heavy rocks, an old ox cart, and…
Winowiecki Amygdala Completely Healed
ANN ARBOR– After intensive rehabilitation over the last year, forward Ricky Winowiecki has made “a full recovery,” as evidenced by his play in Ruination’s 4-3 semi-final win over Bull Schlitz Tuesday night. “We were all worried he wouldn’t be able…
Colwell on D1: ‘No Sutton Moves’
ANN ARBOR– Following Hopslam’s 2-4 loss to Puckings in their Quarterfinal match-up, league director Abe Colwell announced that forward Chris Sutton was “banned for life,” from the D1 league, citing a variety of allegations, including ankle-breaking, stealing, and clothes laundering. …
One Goal Wonder Tries, Fails
ANN ARBOR– Ever since defenseman Mark Woods vaulted into fame and fortune following his mid-season goal last Spring, “things have spiraled downward ever since,” according to the One Goal Wonder Watch Organization. “He didn’t score another goal the rest of…
Fans Outnumber Players For First Time
ANN ARBOR– Despite the 0-0 forfeit Ruination suffered in its opening game Thursday night, there were some notable positives, according to coach Don T. Hasskill. “I think this may have been the first time our fans outnumbered the players,” said…