HOLLYWOOD– In a story line that parallels the Rocky franchise, Ashley’s Ruination fell to a younger, hungrier Clubber Lang-like team in Goon Squad. “I pity the fool that think he can beat me,” said Goon Sqaud forward Adam Skiff, adorned in…
Hopslam, Julius Coates-er’s Campaign Ends
ZELA– Scott Coates was like a surly Roman general Saturday night, though the outcome against the Germanic horde known as Sasquatch was not the same as history records for one Julius Caeser (who admittedly was fighting Persians in Turkey around…
New Amazon Phone Distracts
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hopslam beat Cubs AC Tuesday night 3-0 in a dominating defensive performance, though sources admit that it’s “really hard to focus on that” in light of the recently announced Amazon Fire Phone, set to be released exclusively…
U.S. Patent Office May Force Ruination Name Change
WASHINGTON– In a move paralleling its announcement regarding the Washington Redskins NFL franchise, the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has threatened Ashley’s Ruination, claiming that the team is “disparaging to women named Ashley” following its 4-3 win over Mott. “Somewhere…
Even Steven Ashley’s Weekend
HOPSLAM– An 8-2 win over Sasquatch Saturday night left Hopslam feeling confident that it could supplant an obscure Canadian super hero team known as Alpha Flight. “Who?” said pretty much everybody except for die-hard comic book fans in the 1980s, particularly…
Leafs Win Stanley Cup, Cheer Like They Did
ANN ARBOR– Aventinus had the misfortune of hearing Leafs forward Scott Kulhanek “woo!” a few too many times in their 1-8 loss Wednesday night. “You’d think they won the Stanley Cup,” said defenseman Mark Woods. In fact, they did not…