HOPSLAM– Bob Brock scored his first goal of the season in a 6-0 win over St. Anky Beer Saturday night, noting that goaltender Brittany Zeches was stellar in her shoutout of the team, and that he is currently paying about…
“Johnston Yelled at Me”
ANN ARBOR– Defenseman Mark Woods was reportedly chastised Wednesday night in Aventinus’s 5-1 win over the Goal Diggers for “feathering” the puck. “He yelled at me for not passing it hard enough,” said Woods. In the second period, Woods (goal)…
Sports Writer Refuses to Put Out Sports Report
ANN ARBOR– Sports writer “Billie” Wontbee-Puttinout allegedly told editors “not tonight” in regard to reporting Ruination’s 7-3 win over Goon Squad Tuesday night due to mild head trauma. “I have a headache,” Wontbee-Puttinout stated, rubbing her temples. Negotiations turned from disbelief to…
Older Generation Shrugs Off Hackers, Technology
ANN ARBOR– Suffering the good-natured ribbing from his younger compatriots, Mark Johnston quietly notched Aventinus’s lone goal, ensuring the 1-1 tie versus the Yaks 2 Wednesday night, despite the alleged hacking earlier. “I thought I saw Ron (Coleman) getting cross-checked in…
Docs at 4077 Up to Usual Hockey Hi-jinks
UI-JEONG BU– Ricky “Hawkeye” Winowiecki and Anthony “Honeycut” Ciatti, surgeons and hockey players for Ruination at the Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (M.A.S.H.) 4077 were up to their “usual hi-jinks” following 18 hours of “meatball surgery” and a 7-5 comeback win…
Detective Thriller Leads to Tie
MEAN STREETS– Hard-boiled private detective Mark Woods immediately recognized something was amiss as Ashley’s Hopslam faced a turbo-charged Cubs AC. “Something ain’t right, see,” growled Woods. A note with the letterhead of the Ann Arbor Ice Cube was carefully slid under…