ANN ARBOR– Inspired by the rental skates worn by winger Shawn Lopez Tuesday night, Hopslam officials announced plans to move the team to a roller rink for the Spring 2014 campaign. “I think the players and the fans will love…
Bizarro Ruination Manages Tie
BIZARRO ANN ARBOR– The Bizarro Ruination team felt a mixture of satisfaction and disappointment after their 3-3 tie with Thompson’s Pizza Tuesday night. “Me proud of team,” said Bizzaro Superman. “Snatch tie from jaws of victory.” The Bizarro World– a…
Aventinus in Gold Medal Game, Apparently
SOCHI– Ashley’s Aventinus failed to muster up enough excitement and energy Sunday night in what obviously had to be the medal game against Belarus’s Leafs, losing 2-5 and settling for the silver medal. “When the guy at the point is…
D1 Unravels as Entire League Kicked Out
ANN ARBOR– Controversy ensued late Saturday night following Hopslam’s 5-3 win over the Ice Dogs when league managers, owners, and directors argued over player eligibility. “Number #20 (Michael Vaught) clearly doesn’t belong in this league,” said sports analyst Eric Pfeiffer.…
Stamos: “I Hate Ruination”
ANN ARBOR– Celebrity referee John Stamos expressed his “absolute disdain” for Ashley’s Ruination Saturday following the team’s 1-5 loss to rival Black Bears. “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s yogurt,” said Stamos. “And Ashley’s Ruination.” Throughout the game,…
Galifinakis to Play Phillion in “Party Tardy”
HOLLYWOOD– The announcement came early Thursday that comedic actor Zach Galifianakis signed on to play the role of goaltender Jeff Phillion in Party Tardy: The Jeff Phillion Story. “I play a beer league hockey player with a heart of gold…