ANN ARBOR– Biblical eschatologists concluded that the “fifth and sixth seal” have been opened, inching mankind ever closer to the Apocalypse written in the Book of Revelation, sources reported Thursday following Hopslam’s 7-3 win over Ruination and the recent presidential…
Holiday Radio Station Takes Lead
DETROIT– Local radio station WNIC 100.3 FM announced Tuesday that it is actually playing Christmas music for the 2017 holiday season, deciding to get a 13-month jump ahead of any rival stations. “We’ll be playing It’s the Most Wonderful Time of…
Ferguson a Belieber!
ANN ARBOR– Forward Dave Ferguson was a healthy scratch for Wednesday’s 1-4 Aventinus loss to Goon Squad, noting that he was “lucky it’s not much more.” Initial reports claimed an accident involving a gravel truck. “Despite my sedan being tossed…
Winowiecki Quick to Quidditch
ORLANDO– Richard “Ricky” Winowiecki, star defenseman for Ashley’s Hopslam, announced Wednesday following Hopslam 3-1 win over the WT Killer Bees that he will be joining the Orlando Potter-mouths of the Nation Quidditch League (NQL). “We’re sho ec-schited,” said league president…
Colwell Vows to Dismantle Aventinus, Coleman
ANN ARBOR– Following the 5-2 Aventinus win over the Flyers Sunday night, league director Abe Colwell, skating in disguise as winger Guy N. Cognito, announced that he now has enough evidence to “bring Aventinus down.” “Daryl Coleman has been sandbagging…
Meowth Found on Ice, Caught
ANN ARBOR– Despite suffering a 1-4 loss to the Yaks D2, Sunday night, defenseman Mark Woods noted that the evening was not a total loss after locating and capturing Meowth, a character featured in the Pokemon Go app. “It was…