AUBURN HILLS– GM Mark Woods brought his case against Ashley’s Ruination in the Court of Public Opinion Friday afternoon after team members allegedly refused to respond to the unofficial roll call sent the previous day. “I just need to know…
Stand-Up Comic Tries Out New Hockey Material
LIVONIA-Up and coming stand-up comedian Jake “the Fake” Pierson was inspired by Ashley’s Hopslam and Ruination Tuesday night, despite the team’s 2-5 loss to the Ice Dogs and 3-6 loss to the Ice-o-Topes C. “I’ve added about 10 minutes of…
Bradshaw’s Warning Clearly Ignored
ANN ARBOR– Often seen as more of a parody than a prophet, Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw was once again ignored regarding his message of the shingles virus, with disastrous consequences, including a 2-3 loss for Hopslam Saturday night.…
New Hockey Bags Introduced
ANN ARBOR– Samsonite has entered the sporting apparel arena, introducing its new line of hockey bags Saturday. “We’re currently test marketing them in Michigan with some tremendous results,” beamed Samuel Samsonson III, President and CEO of Samsonite. The new line…
Defensive Pair Avoid Mistakes, Statistics
ANN ARBOR– Defensive pair Steve Gorham and Mark Woods once again managed to minimize their errors on the ice and completely avoid penalty minutes, goals, and assists as Ruination started its Spring season with a 6-3 win over Depot Town…
Newbies Get Forrest Gump Treatment
ANN ARBOR– Hopslam newcomers Brendan Kennedy, Leo Betz, and Griffen Munzel were subjected to “Forrest Gump” hazing in Tuesday’s 2-2 tie with the Yaks. “This line’s taken,” said an unnamed grubby Alabama schoolboy, possibly Bobby Boy Brock. “Taken,” said another…