ANN ARBOR– Characterized by his alternate universe goatee, evil Mark Woods reportedly appeared in this universe while good Mark Woods was simultaneously transported to the alternate (re: evil) universe. With the only noticeable difference being the extra yelling, teammates could only…
Message Sent Lao and Clear
MANILA– A blockbuster deal was signed, sealed, and delivered late Tuesday night following Hopslam’s loss to Cubs AC, dealing winger Kevin Lao to Fightin’ Lip-Syncers of the Manila Vanilla Hockey League (MVHL). Sources say this move was sent as a…
Sutton Busts In Vegas
LAS VEGAS– Goaltender Chris Sutton was dealt back to Aventinus after a blockbuster trade involving two future D2 picks, and a puck-shaped beer cooler after officials for the Las Vegas Ramblin’ Gamblers of the Booking & Hooking League (BHL) said…
Prohibition Sweeps Across Beer League
ANN ARBOR– Conservative groups cheered as the United Beer League Association (UBLA) passed into law as part of the Hockey Constitution an amendment prohibiting the “consumption of wine and spirits, beer and any curious liquors” for “medicinal, recreational, or any other…
Memory Lane Strolled
ANN ARBOR– The ghost of championships past swirled in the locker room upon seeing winger John Hwang’s championship softball t-shirt commemorating his team’s 2014 Summer campaign, following Aventinus’s 2-1 comeback win Wednesday night. “I won a softball championship playing Intramural…
Hip Hop Roots Revealed
OSCODA– Once the ice shavings settled, Aventinus found itself handed its third straight loss, falling 1-3 to North Coast. Scott Bray had the lone goal, with assists from Les Withrow and defenseman Mark Woods. “We’re still looking for answers,” said…