ANN ARBOR– Center Dave Winn has been implicated in a point-shaving scandal directly tied to the 0-4 loss suffered by Ashley’s Aventinus in their playoff match-up with the Goaldiggers Tuesday night. “Everyone knows Dave is the go to guy for…
Jazzerskate Boost Body, Drains Heart
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 1-10 loss Monday night, defenseman Mark Woods revealed that while his body esteem was boosted from the exercise known has Jazzer-skate, his self-esteem took quite a hit from the loss. “I feel like my self-worth was…
Ferguson Uses Goat Stem Cells to Cure ACL Tear
ANN ARBOR– Forward Dave Ferguson underwent an experimental procedure to heal his torn ACL early last month, allowing him to return to Aventinus for the summer season in what doctors are calling “a medical marvel.” “I had heard that UM…
Colis Called, Recalled
ANN ARBOR– Once among the giants of D1 hockey, the weary and well-traveled Tom Colis, having spent a number of seasons in D2 hockey, returned to “the Show” Sunday to help Hopslam to 1-1 tie against the Cleveland Steamers. A…
Moose Most Hated of Archie Characters
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hosplam dropped their first game of the season Tuesday, losing 4-5 to Moose. The loss prompted a heated discussion on the character of Moose (formally known as Marmaduke ‘Moose’ Mason). The consensus reached included calling Moose the…
Winowiecki Announces Presidential Aspirations
ANN ARBOR– In the wake of Ruination’s 1-4 loss Monday evening, business mogul and staunch Republican Ricky Winowiecki announced his bid for the GOP ticket in 2016, running on the campaign of intolerance. “I’m intolerant of intolerant people,” Winowiecki was…