ANN ARBOR– Hopslam stumbled a bit Tuesday night, giving up a third period 2-goal lead to finish with a 4-4 tie with the Ice Dogs. In the post-game analysis, GM Mark Woods cited recent studies indicating that multi-tasking and the…
Winn-Win Situation
ANN ARBOR– Despite the oddsmakers’ overwhelming pick, the top-ranked Leafs fluttered and fell to Ashley’s Aventinus 2-4 in Sunday’s D2 Round Robin play, putting Aventinus in the driver’s seat moving forward. ” [It] felt good to finally defeat the Leafs…
Brock: Hopslam Hunger Strike
ANN ARBOR– Citing issues of racism and the need to “drop a few pounds before the holidays,” Hopslam forward Bob Brock announced that he has vowed not to eat until newly-hired GM Tim Wolfe resigned.”I’m hungry,” said Brock, presumably hungry…
Dr. Seuss Urges Aventinus in Vain
ANN ARBOR– Beloved children’s author Dr. Seuss urged Aventinus on Wednesday night in its match-up with the Yaks D2 team, but could only inspire them to a 0-0 tie. “The buzzer creeps, the buzzer beeps, but just before, will you…
Millennial Reports Ruination Loss, Fails to Minimize Use of Word “So”
ANN ARBOR– Newly-hired Millennial reporter Dylan Hunter Berkeley-Townsend (or D.H., born 1992) provided a vague, disjointed summary of Ruination’s 3-4 loss to the WT Killer Bees C team Tuesday night. “Oh man! You should have seen it!” reported Berkeley-Townsend. Berkeley-Townsend…
Rocky Ruination Rematch
ANN ARBOR–Ashley’s Ruination made good in its rematch with Hopslam in a fight that went down to the wire, lifting itself up to a 5-1 victory over a somewhat over-confident reigning champion. “Last time, Ruination went distance, but just couldn’t…